Counting Sheep

I have been sleeping 8 hours a night for the last week! This wouldn’t be such an amazing thing if I didn’t have a terrible case of insomnia. I hate taking sleeping pills so a normal night of rest means about 3-4 hours of sleep for me. The reason I can’t sleep is for some reason I can’t shut my brain off. At night I will stay up and think about every. AND I MEAN EVERYTHING

 

When I am stressed my 3-4 hours turn into 0. There are times when I go 24+ hours without sleep. I have seen a few doctors about my sleep problems. Then I was sent to a sleep therapist and she gave me a list of things to try. They were all stupid ideas that failed because my insomnia is severe. Well they aren’t stupid ideas, I guess they work for some but my brain refused to be defeated by the mind tricks.

                                                                                                                

Weeks ago I was already assuming I would be like a zombie the week of my move. I saw myself awake all week running on coffee and sugar to survive. Typically I would be up for hours thinking about all my problems and things that need to be done. I was asked  on Wednesday if I had any peace about this trip. My answer was not really, because there is so much that is unknown. Then I was talking to friend later that night and I mentioned how well I have been sleeping. It dawned on me that all week for some reason my brain decided to let me sleep at night. As I go back to read my blog posts and journal entries I know that the reason for this peaceful week of sleep is that I made the decision to give God my problems. As my sister has told me sometimes when you don’t know what to do, you should do nothing. I took that advice and ran with it. I did nothing related to the move, stopped packing for a few days and focused on enjoying my time left here.

I spend so much time trying to come up with my own solutions that it keeps me up at night. I think that if I don’t figure it out then nothing will be solved the next day. In a week I had a way to ship my car provided by a friend, a short term place to stay and all my job appointments set up. All these things came out of nowhere. I had nothing to do with how they all worked out. Much of my future is unknown but my nights have been peaceful and I wake up fully rested.

 

The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

 

 

 

To whom much is given…Guest post

 
I would often refer back to this scripture in the bible focusing all my attention on the first part. To whom much is given… because, ‘much’ is what I desire. Let’s be real, we all desire much, but are you willing to put ‘much’ work into the process. Are you… no seriously?
And from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked… [Luke 12:48]
If you are anything like me, you have big dreams; dreams that cause even your mind to tremble. You hold a vision which leads you to question your identity because the person you see in the mirror in ‘incapable’ of accomplishing such BIG things.  You stare in amazement and search your soul for a mortal way of connecting your flesh to your divine expectations. You want your dreams to transcend conceptual thoughts, you want to eat the fruits you visualize on a daily basis… you want a better reality.
The fruits of tomorrow live in the seeds of today
Our dreams are seeds, and seeds need watering, but too often we water the concept of our dreams rather than the seeds that contain them. In other words, we glorify the ideas we carry, putting them on a pedal stall further out of our reach. My question to you is… do you know the power of the seeds you hold in your hand?
Let’s be honest… if you are unwilling to water a small seed, you are unlikely to hold the discipline required to maintain a tree and its fruit. And don’t forget your increased responsibility to sow new seeds and start the process again. We are never too ‘fruitful’ to continue sowing seeds, in other words we will never be too accomplished that we cannot learn more, and do more.
The first step is not to underestimate yourself, when you look in the mirror remember the process of growth. Take the time to nurture yourself, build strength and tap into your equipment. Yes, you hold many tools, you are a resource… don’t waste yourself away because you choose not to believe in your capabilities.
You see, the greatest mistake I made was associating the person I saw in the mirror with the incapability to deliver. I continued to ignore who I was in search of who I believed I could become. But how can we cut the seed of our being open in search of fruit we have yet to water?
Too often we put ourselves down, subconsciously and consciously we doubt ourselves, through our thoughts, words, and actions. I don’t know about you… but I’m done! Our time on this earth is limited; I refuse to limit myself with useless thoughts, thoughts that stifle what makes me who I am. Are you with me… no seriously? Are you willing to get your head out of cloud nine and turn your dreams into a reality?
-Your mind is essentially a garden of thoughts, provoking actions or stagnation. What does your garden currently look like… is if filled with weeds, or is it fertile and ready for growth?
To whom much is given, much is required. You are required to work, required to believe, required to lift yourself up… required to believe every word our God says about our existence. You are indeed, fearfully and wonderfully made!* now, if you fear your potential you cannot bring forth the fruit which so desperately craves your water of courage!
Shandice
  
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