Counting Sheep

I have been sleeping 8 hours a night for the last week! This wouldn’t be such an amazing thing if I didn’t have a terrible case of insomnia. I hate taking sleeping pills so a normal night of rest means about 3-4 hours of sleep for me. The reason I can’t sleep is for some reason I can’t shut my brain off. At night I will stay up and think about every. AND I MEAN EVERYTHING

 

When I am stressed my 3-4 hours turn into 0. There are times when I go 24+ hours without sleep. I have seen a few doctors about my sleep problems. Then I was sent to a sleep therapist and she gave me a list of things to try. They were all stupid ideas that failed because my insomnia is severe. Well they aren’t stupid ideas, I guess they work for some but my brain refused to be defeated by the mind tricks.

                                                                                                                

Weeks ago I was already assuming I would be like a zombie the week of my move. I saw myself awake all week running on coffee and sugar to survive. Typically I would be up for hours thinking about all my problems and things that need to be done. I was asked  on Wednesday if I had any peace about this trip. My answer was not really, because there is so much that is unknown. Then I was talking to friend later that night and I mentioned how well I have been sleeping. It dawned on me that all week for some reason my brain decided to let me sleep at night. As I go back to read my blog posts and journal entries I know that the reason for this peaceful week of sleep is that I made the decision to give God my problems. As my sister has told me sometimes when you don’t know what to do, you should do nothing. I took that advice and ran with it. I did nothing related to the move, stopped packing for a few days and focused on enjoying my time left here.

I spend so much time trying to come up with my own solutions that it keeps me up at night. I think that if I don’t figure it out then nothing will be solved the next day. In a week I had a way to ship my car provided by a friend, a short term place to stay and all my job appointments set up. All these things came out of nowhere. I had nothing to do with how they all worked out. Much of my future is unknown but my nights have been peaceful and I wake up fully rested.

 

The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

 

 

 

To whom much is given…Guest post

 
I would often refer back to this scripture in the bible focusing all my attention on the first part. To whom much is given… because, ‘much’ is what I desire. Let’s be real, we all desire much, but are you willing to put ‘much’ work into the process. Are you… no seriously?
And from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked… [Luke 12:48]
If you are anything like me, you have big dreams; dreams that cause even your mind to tremble. You hold a vision which leads you to question your identity because the person you see in the mirror in ‘incapable’ of accomplishing such BIG things.  You stare in amazement and search your soul for a mortal way of connecting your flesh to your divine expectations. You want your dreams to transcend conceptual thoughts, you want to eat the fruits you visualize on a daily basis… you want a better reality.
The fruits of tomorrow live in the seeds of today
Our dreams are seeds, and seeds need watering, but too often we water the concept of our dreams rather than the seeds that contain them. In other words, we glorify the ideas we carry, putting them on a pedal stall further out of our reach. My question to you is… do you know the power of the seeds you hold in your hand?
Let’s be honest… if you are unwilling to water a small seed, you are unlikely to hold the discipline required to maintain a tree and its fruit. And don’t forget your increased responsibility to sow new seeds and start the process again. We are never too ‘fruitful’ to continue sowing seeds, in other words we will never be too accomplished that we cannot learn more, and do more.
The first step is not to underestimate yourself, when you look in the mirror remember the process of growth. Take the time to nurture yourself, build strength and tap into your equipment. Yes, you hold many tools, you are a resource… don’t waste yourself away because you choose not to believe in your capabilities.
You see, the greatest mistake I made was associating the person I saw in the mirror with the incapability to deliver. I continued to ignore who I was in search of who I believed I could become. But how can we cut the seed of our being open in search of fruit we have yet to water?
Too often we put ourselves down, subconsciously and consciously we doubt ourselves, through our thoughts, words, and actions. I don’t know about you… but I’m done! Our time on this earth is limited; I refuse to limit myself with useless thoughts, thoughts that stifle what makes me who I am. Are you with me… no seriously? Are you willing to get your head out of cloud nine and turn your dreams into a reality?
-Your mind is essentially a garden of thoughts, provoking actions or stagnation. What does your garden currently look like… is if filled with weeds, or is it fertile and ready for growth?
To whom much is given, much is required. You are required to work, required to believe, required to lift yourself up… required to believe every word our God says about our existence. You are indeed, fearfully and wonderfully made!* now, if you fear your potential you cannot bring forth the fruit which so desperately craves your water of courage!
Shandice
  
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Sunday Social

 

 

Today I am linking up with

1. Top 3 favorite kinds of food 

                                                   Japanese- Sushi                                 

                   Chinese Food

                   Italian

2. First 3 things you do in the morning 

                           Check my phone, Walk my dog, Shower  

3. Last 3 things you do at night 

Check my emails, I usually checkout at least two new blogs, Read a book or watch a movie  

4. 3 TV shows you NEVER miss 

                                 I don’t have shows that I seriously follow. I will say I did  Netflix marathons of Scandal, Orange is The New Black and House Hunters  

5. 3 places you want to visit 

                        Spain- My freshman year in college my school sent a group to Spain and I was not able to go. I still want to check it off my bucket list someday.

Italy- As stated in question #1 I love Italian Food and would I love to see all of the Ruins

Bali- I have seen “Eat, Pray, Love” a hundred times and Bali looks like such a beautiful place.

To see my complete List>Travel Bucket List 

6. 3 people you can always count on

     I can’t pick just 3 people – Parents, Siblings and my closest friends because they all have my back :-)

I am leaving…

 

 

It is official I AM MOVING TO SEATTLE!

I leave the first week of February and will start in processing for the new job right away.

This month has been very stressful and draining. My friends have been very patient, comforting, and thoughtful throughout this process.I was so tired and stressed I even cried over getting a gift card for Starbucks.

 

I can’t say I am super happy about the move…However, I am happy about being considered for the job. I just wish it was here in MD. I am still packing and preparing for the move. I have two weeks left and I plan to spend lots of time with my friends and family. The saddest part about all this is having to leave behind my dog Jacoby. Since my hours will be crazy I think it is best to give him to someone who will have more time.

I still have him until tomorrow …But already I’m getting emotional, I imagine tomorrow will end like this

 

So in honor of my little fur baby I made this super cheesy collage of him

These pictures    

  

 

 

The things we can’t say about ourselves out loud…

 

This week my small group talked a little about questions or things about ourselves we can’t say or don’t ask out loud. We avoid this because of the fear of having to acknowledge the truth. We are afraid of saying things we already know about ourselves out loud because it makes it feel too real. It sucks when you have to come to terms with the reality of who you really are.

I interviewed with world race and one of the questions they asked was “why did I pick the route  I picked?” I had no answer, all I could say was “that’s the route my eyes fell on as I looked at all my choices”. I couldn’t even remember what those countries were. I am sure I sounded really silly as I fumbled for a good answer. If I was honest, I would have told her my first thought was to pick the route of all Spanish speaking countries. Yet because of some fear I instead picked another list of countries that looked good.

Then on Wednesday I was asked by a girl in my small group if I wanted to go to Mexico for a short mission trip. My first thought was heck no; I don’t want to go to any Spanish speaking counties. I know… I’m a walking contradiction.

Today it was brought up again about going to Mexico or Guatemala during a church event. It was in moment of silence while I was home that the question came to mind: why don’t you want to go? You were born in Panama, how can you go to another country and avoid your own? I guess this is the question I couldn’t ask myself before. The answer is  avoiding these countries because of the bad memories I had of seeing people living in poverty. Those countries hit too close to home. They remind me that I was born in poverty, and it is a life that I could have lived instead. The thing i couldn’t say out loud was I WAS ASHAMED OF MY ROOTS.

Living in Panama I have stories to share that most find intriguing. Yet for the most part for some odd reason I have been attaching this mental negativity with it. I was very fortunate that when I was a baby my mother married a man that took care of me as his own: he became my father. My father was in the Army and so happened to be stationed in Panama till I was in fourth grade. We moved to MD and that's where I started my fifth grade year.

When is the last time you have been in panama? I get that question a lot. The answer is the last time I was there I was in 6th grade.  We went back to Panama for my older brother’s funeral. We were only there for two weeks. My mother has been asking me for years to visit Panama again with her and I always avoid it. I kept telling her “I was already there, send me to Spain”.

I spent 10 years in Panama and for some reason I only recycle all the bad memories I have of it in my mind. Growing up my mother always would send me out in the “real world” to stay with aunts that lived outside of the comforts of the little American military base. The short trips and summer spent with family were fun. However, I hated being there for more than a week because it lacked the comforts of home. I just hated the heat, no air conditioning, and the of huge bugs. I remember being at a house crying because the house had flying roaches that came out during the night. Those things were big and gross… I remember the stereo typical house with too many people and not enough beds. I remember seeing the “real ghetto” as my mom called it and it was a little traumatizing. Even though we just drove through one street, her stories and the thought that I could have grown up there stuck. These are the only bad memories I have of Panama and these are the reasons why I didn’t want to go back. Silly right?.....Another thing I have to say out loud. My mother is right, I AM REALLY SPOILED.

 

 

 

 

 

January Calendar- Job. Moving, The bachelor

January is a very busy month for me and I also have lots of good news. Friday I received the call I have been waiting for in reference to my job in Seattle. It was a blessing to know that out of 200+ applicants my name was selected to move forward. I have a tentative offer and have started the process for the firm offer. I am a bit relieved to know that I still have about two months before I have to move. I was told that the physical, background check, fingerprints and board meeting will all take about a month to complete. Once that is done I will receive a firm offer and package with my grade and pay.This means that I have about two months to figure out where I will live and how I will get there. It also means that I get to spend more time with family and friends here.  

This month the lease for my current apartment ends. I have spent the last two weeks packing AKA moving things from one end of the apartment to another. Mostly I have been throwing away whatever I don’t need or want. I hate packing and much rather throw everything away and start over. Unfortunately packing is a necessary evil and I have to get it done in the next two weeks.

Today I will end my day going over to a viewing party to watch the bachelor . I have never seen any of the seasons so this will be my first time seeing the show. I am looking forward to taking a break from packing.

O AND MOST IMPORTANTLY MY WORLD RACE INTERVIEW IS TOMORROW! Wish me luck please.

New Blog Design and OMG HTML sucks

 

I am soooo excited to say that I made my new blog design. I have been home the last three days working on it. It took endless amount Google searches, hours of YouTube videos and reading instructional blogs< Most of that stuff is like reading another language. Although the changes are minor, it was not easy. Who knew adding one picture would completely send everything else around it across the page. I am very proud of the fact that I completed it before the five day  deadline I gave myself.

What is New

*I added a new tabs  Goals 2014 & Contact Me                  *Finally made my About Me          

*Centered my tabs

*Added Nina to Guest Bloggers

* Pictures and Media buttons that work

*Gold separator line to sidebar

*Gold shadow line to post footer

*Made New Blog Title Design

*Made everything my favorite colors-Blue & Gold/Yellow

 

What I learned: Back up your blog template before making any changes. Save your designs or pictures even the messed up ones. Plug in your computer so it wont die before saving something that took a hour to make. I also learned that I like making designs. I got so caught up I would look up and 5 hours have gone by.  I do plan to have my blog professionally redesigned but until then YouTube & Google will get the job done.

  I used

• Photo Bucket & Picture Monkey to edit pictures, blog buttons
• Microsoft PowerPoint &Publish- to make Header, Signature and add Picture frame
• YouTube/ Google research
• To make buttons>Easily Create & Install Custom Social Media Icons
• Sidebar Gold Separation line>Add a line to blogger side bar 
• To link my homepage picture to about me Text/ Image link Generator

 

Goals 2014

As I said in a previous post 2014 will be a year of many changes. I am still not sure if I will be moving soon but either way I will make the best of my location. I actually made my New Years resolutions two months ago. I wanted to get a head start and slowly incorporate these new goals into my life.

Goals for 2014

Blog

Start a blog 

Make blog pretty/Learn basic HTML

Get a professional design

Get a domain

Work on my “About Me”

Be consistent with my writing

Get a camera for pictures

Add more pictures

Reach 100 followers in 3 months

Personal

Get a new job

Pay off my student loans this year

Make new meaningful friendships and continue to develop the ones I already have

Work on getting a normal sleep schedule-I am a vampire and I tend to stay up all night. Insomnia is awesome

Work out 3x a week

Eat more chocolate-it’s ok because I’ll work it off

Complete my application and interview for World Race

Start saving for World Race

Volunteer more often

Fun/Travel

Try to eat something different/new every month

Visit my friends in Florida, Louisiana, and Washington State

White water rafting at least once

Take a trip to Portland

I Want To Wish You a Very